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FEATURED COLUMNS

mccain v. obama: the final word
please let it be the final word
by joe procopio (@jproco)
topic: pop culture
11.3.08 • CLASSIC

Michael Jordan once said "Republicans buy shoes too." Allow me to add "Democrats don't want to eat babies either." Election day is upon us. Tomorrow, we'll all go out and cast one or more votes one way or the other. As a public service to you, I am proud to offer a comprehensive and inside look at how the other side sees your side by making public the transcript of my sit-down interview with a representative from each. On the right, Chazz Q. Inheritance XIII, leader of the Conservative Republic

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what september means
a hodgepodge of savorables
by jael mchenry (@JaelMcHenry)
topic: general
9.6.11 • CLASSIC

I don't have a favorite month, but if I did, September would definitely be in the running.

Why? Five reasons.

1. Back-to-school. Yes, it's been years since I've actually been personally involved in anything based on the semester system, but at the same time, the fact that school is starting gives a rhythm to the year. It's a time of newness and excitement. If you live in a town with a lot of college students, as I do, there's something contagious about the energy of all those teenagers, something you can feel in the city. Arrival, beginning, adventure. And what's cuter than all those little-kid first-day-of-school pictures on Facebook? Maybe it's because I always loved school, but they always, always put a big smile on my face.

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i don't want to be a little teapot
exercising my demons
by adam kraemer (@DryWryBred)
topic: sports
3.11.09 • CLASSIC

I'm told that I have abs. More to the point, I'm told that everyone, assuming they weren't born with some rare condition, has abs. As in abdominal muscles. However, you couldn't prove it by me. I've never seen them. I assume I have them, of course, because I have the physical ability to sit up in bed. But there's no photographic proof, per se: no six pack, none of those lines by a man's hips that women seem to appreciate. Contrary to what you might be thinking, this is not usually a successful

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welcome to hollywoodn't
the unreal summer of sanford and sarah
by michelle von euw
topic: general
7.8.09 • CLASSIC

For a brief moment before The Summer of Gosselin took a sharp right turn into The Summer of Dead Celebrities, we detoured into The Summer of Unstable Republican Governors. Members of the Grand Old Party have become a dying breed: not quite irrelevant on the national political scene, but certainly approaching it. Which means that in 2-4 years, the conservatives will be in a prime position to capitalize on whatever drama and despair ails our country circa 2011. So really, all that the young, ch

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bleat the parents
judgment fray
by mike julianelle
topic: humor
12.22.10 • CLASSIC

We’ve known each other a while now. We don’t always see eye to eye, but despite our differences, I think we can all agree on two things: 1 – I’m a pretty amazing person, all around. 2 – I can’t remember the second thing. My actions, behavior, personality and general comportment on a daily basis are completely and 100% irreproachable. As such, there’s no reason to bother judging me; there’s nothing to judge. Besides, you don’t see me judging you, do you? Sure, most of you like terrible music

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pundit audit
a day in the life, examined
by tracey l. kelley (@TraceyLKelley)
topic: news
11.26.08 • CLASSIC

(Alarm goes off, and Tracey Kelley hits the snooze button for seven minutes.) SOMEONE SIMILAR TO ELISABETH HASSLEBECK: The fact that Tracey won’t get out of bed immediately when the alarm goes off is an example of her lackadaisical attitude. SOMEONE SIMILAR TO JOHN KING: I wouldn’t say lackadaisical, necessarily, but it doesn’t show initiative. SOME MYSTERIOUS PROFESSOR REFERRED TO AS PUN 3: I think by waking up gradually to a slightly progressive music station, she’s wrapping up her final dre

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the devil's son in law
the summer of '84, mass murders and overnight celebrity
by jason gilmore (@JasonGilmore77)
topic: news
8.19.09 • CLASSIC

Everyone called him Pissy. Those are the names kids come up with when you're twelve years old and still wetting the bed. Unemotional as a child, he was prone to long bouts of silence that eventually left him friendless. Most boys seek comfort from their mothers, but his mother was a prostitute with four other children to raise. She was too busy running the streets to distill his fears, to teach him that sex was created as an act of love between two adults, not the selfish acts of aggression tha

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kiefer uses his head, but not in a good way
proof chivalry is alive, or something else?
by jeffrey d. walker
topic: news
5.18.09 • CLASSIC

If you missed it, Kiefer Sutherland recently head butted and broke the nose of fashion mogul, Jack McCollough, at The SubMercer in NYC during an after-party for the Metropolitan Museum of Art's Costume Institute Gala 2009. McCollough "jostled" Brooke Shields as he walked past her, almost causing her to almost fall; Kiefer was upset that McCollough didn't apologize, so Sutherland approached, was reportedly shoved by McCollough, thereby prompting the Kiefer head butt. NYC Police have since charge

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everybody poops
sometimes
by maigen thomas (@Maigen)
topic: general
9.4.12 • CLASSIC

First of all, I want to preface this column with the statement "I don't mean to have my mind in the gutter." I really don't. But pooping is almost always on my mind, so now I'm going to write about it. If that makes you uncomfortable, then you should probably click away. If you're fine with dishing the dirty details, then read on.

When I was 20, I would have been completely ashamed to talk about pooping. I would have denied ever having done such a thing. If I stayed over at my boyfriend's house, I would avoid bowel movements altogether - sometimes for days at a time! Now that I've reached thirty, if I go for two days without 'taking care of business', I'm concerned. Longer than that and I start to get cranky. Or I start cramping. I'm irritable. Slow-moving and slow-thinking. Lethargic.

My boyfriend will cheerfully, if somewhat abashedly, grab his iphone and slink off to the throne room for some alone time Every Single Day. Without fail. Okay, I haven't been home every single instance, but I've observed that it is consistent and for him - a non-issue.

For me? Ugh. When is it NOT an issue?

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conqueror, thy name is apple
how i got an i-life
by alex b (@Lexistential)
topic: tech
5.25.07 • CLASSIC

I am hooked on Apple. No day goes by without quality time spent with my iMac and iPod; I can’t picture a day where I don’t spend some time tinkering with an iTunes playlist or listening to a podcast. But I didn’t consciously know how much of a habitual iNerd I was till I downloaded an iTunes upgrade. The page greeted me boldly with an 18-point font: “Welcome to the entertainment center of your world.” At that, I thought, "YES." My computer and iPod are indeed the gatekeepers of my entertain

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the way we read now
amazon's kindle, and the present and future of the digital book.
by sarah ficke (@DameMystery)
topic: tech
11.30.07 • CLASSIC

On my nineteenth birthday, I fell in love with a book. The moment my fingers touched the supple, green leather cover, worn soft and smooth from age, I knew that I had to own it, so much so that I told my dad that he could send back whatever present he had bought for me because this was it - the only thing I wanted. The content of the book (it happened to be The Three Musketeers by Alexandre Dumas) was almost immaterial. The book itself was my object, and it remains one of my most prized possessi

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google+
a post-technologist's early review
by erik lars myers (@TopFermented)
topic: tech
7.11.11 • CLASSIC

When I heard about Google+ I was excited. Yeah, I am nerd, hear me roar. Without much to go on but a cryptic Flash movie and hear-say, I had that tingling I used to get as a kid whenever I would go out and buy a new video game. I would spend the entire trip home thinking about how I was going to waste an entire weekend playing it to death. It was the tingle of anticipation for new content, new stories, an exploratory experience, and something new to learn and become proficient at. That kind

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constant craving
*the secret* to success
by heather m. millen
topic: humor
8.27.08 • CLASSIC

The other day I was sitting at my desk. It was about 4:00 in the afternoon, the day had been a bit stressful and I was greatly in need of a tiny token of relief. Suddenly, I realized that all my soul craved was a cookie. I don't eat cookies very often but who am I to judge what my soul desires? My husband happened to call and I said aloud and with conviction: "I really want a cookie." Ask. Cookies are good. I used to make cookies with my grandmother. She made these amazing little thumbp

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socialgeist
slimed by digital ectoplasm
by jeff miller (@jmillerboston)
topic: pop culture
3.14.12 • CLASSIC

Man, I've worked with some really fantastic people. People I'm proud to call friends 20 years later; folks I hope to know for many years to come. Others, despite our natural chemistry and the sharing of a thousand pizzas and coffees and cigarettes (I've since quit), I keep only in my memory, for whatever inexplicable reasons people have for maintaining distance in the face of friendship.

But then sometimes – and it's a fortunate rarity – there are people I just want to forget completely. Inevitable adversaries that've had such an ill effect on my psyche, I not only want them out of my life, I want any residual smears of negative energy they’ve left in my airspace GONE. FOREVER. The idea that they might irrevocably occupy some part of my brain is not only depressing, it’s offensive. All I want is for their memory to just...peter away, down the drain of my subconscious, and with any luck...poof! Gone.

“TOO BAD!” say Facebook, Linkedin, and Twitter.

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RECENT COMMENTS

re: irrussistible
I am not going to read it this time. I do and I just cannot pull myself together to comment. It is a beautiful tribute. I am very glad that you wro...

re: guns don't kill people....
Can we please find a way to heal and protect? I NEWTOWN, Conn. (AP) — A man opened fire Friday inside two classrooms at the Connecticut elementary sc...

re: a year without netflix
I would expect that and especially Netflix. Marketing, baby. They're spending zillions to get new subscribers....

re: everybody poops
What a bunch of crap! :-D Sorry. I tried to let it pass. Butt I'm weak. [edited]...

re: you are on your own heroes journey
Too short. Sigh. Thanks Maigen. I just miss him. I am glad that I can find people who cared deeply for him here. He had such good friends here!...





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