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the white knight, tarnished.
by erik lars myers (@TopFermented)

Spring has sprung. It's in the air, and with it love. Like a puppy bounding through a field of grass, you can see it running rampant through people's lives at this time of year. It's no real mystery that springtime heralded such engrossing fertility festivals in centuries past. People just want to be together in the spring.

I find myself in a dissimilar situation. While my heartstrings are still being pulled by Spring's subtle fingers, I remain under Winter's hard palm. Why? In order to allow myself to be swept away onto the gentle Spring winds, I must first remove myself from something which those self same winds blew me into in years past.

I would like to turn out to be someone's knight in shining armor, to sweep the young maiden away from the mouth of the dragon and into the safety of my arms, turning away all the troubles of the world, as we gallop away on my faithful steed... but I forget: Have I not already done that? I wonder.

I'm sure I did, at some point. But when does it change? At what point does the white knight cease to be? Is it when he returns to his castle and finds that he has to do the dishes because he's been off trying to rescue maidens in distress so much that he's let them pile up in the sink? Or is it when that knight in gleaming steel finds out what the young maiden he rescued isn't really what he thought she would be like. Is he stuck with her? Can he safely deliver her back to the mouth of the dragon? "So, sorry. I thought you were someone else. Ta!"

In my case, I may have made a mistake. I've let one young maiden know that I'd like to rescue her before completely delivering another young maiden back into the tall tower of the castle. Damn confusing, it is, all these young maidens. With some amount of work, I've let one maiden know that I cannot rescue her until I have returned another young maiden back into danger's womb. Sometimes it's hard to be a knight in shining armor.

And maybe that's the real problem in the end: I'm not a knight in shining in armor. I just want to be. The armor was tarnished years ago, and no amount of polishing will make it reclaim its shine. Regret, however, is a wasted emotion, so now I hope that some young maiden will take a knight in not-so-shiny armor.

I can see the personal ad, now:

Knight in Tarnished Armor seeks Young Maiden in Distress. Young maiden must be willing to accept knight's faults and mistakes along with daring rescue, rather rough ride on faithful steed. Post-rescue, maiden can expect to be treated with courtesy due to a young maiden (doors opened, jackets on puddles, etc.). Maiden need not know how to spin wool into gold, only like to laugh and smile. An enjoyment of theater a plus, plays about dragons politely excluded.


Writer, beer drinker, brewer. Not necessarily in the order. For more, check Top Fermented and Mystery Brewing Company.

more about erik lars myers


listen to your heart
or at least something else, for the love of all that's holy
by erik lars myers
topic: humor
published: 11.21.05

how to succeed without even caring
a guide to making it in today's dog eat dog world
by erik lars myers
topic: humor
published: 3.15.04


tracey kelley
4.24.02 @ 3:08a

It's not the armor, but the knight that counts. Having said that, tarnished armor means you've been through battle and surfaced victorious. This is very appealing to young maidens.

jael mchenry
4.24.02 @ 9:21a

Unless it's reeeeeeally beaten up. Then we wonder.

adam kraemer
4.24.02 @ 9:54a

Or if it's pink. Then you gotta wonder what the knight is doing rescuing maidens.

tracey kelley
4.24.02 @ 11:06a

Or if it has sponsorship all over it. Then we think you're a sell-out.

matt morin
4.24.02 @ 12:53p

And don't bother trying to rescue maidens who have dragon issues. Find a nice maiden who has as few issues as possible.

Rescuing may seem heroic, but it'll just get you killed.

sarah ficke
4.24.02 @ 4:35p

"Wanted: One maiden with own can of silver polish. Dragon-friendly princesses need not apply."

adam kraemer
4.24.02 @ 4:41p

"Must have key for chastity belt."

robert melos
4.24.02 @ 9:54p

Most of the maidens I know are much scarier than the dragons.

erik myers
4.25.02 @ 3:40a


jael mchenry
4.26.02 @ 4:45p

Now, now, I don't think we're operating in a world of issue-free knights, either.

sarah ficke
4.26.02 @ 8:25p

Yeah, there are knights that are scarier than the dragons. Hell, there are knights that are the dragons.

kathy carlton
4.27.02 @ 11:17a

Actually, not that many maidens need rescuing. Try reading the "Paperbag Princess" and you'll get the idea.

lee anne ramsey
4.28.02 @ 8:32p

I LOVE the Paperbag Princess. Can't wait until my niece is old enough to understand it so I can give it to her.

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