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hunnerd and counting
gwb: prioritizating is my priority.
by tom scarpelli

Dear Fellow Americans,

It certainly is a great pleasure and my honor to have you all with me here on this page today. For those of you of an electronical inclination who are internetal savvy, welcome to
your screen.

Before we hunker down to brass knuckles, let me say a few words about the fairly recent tide of events that have swept aside the recent Democratic administration and I might add a recent Democratic criminal conspiracy and left me washed up on the beach of responsibility. I am convinced that the waves that have washed over us have left open wounds and that only openness can close these festering scars, scabs and all, and flush
the clots of suspicion from the lungs of our country. Thank you.

Let me continue the openness right here. Many have expressed doubts and concerns in our political system in the agony since the last presidential election, especially since the reins of power are now in the hands of one person, me, who according to one well-intentioned source with a very different point of view than my own, “would finish second in a spell
down with Dopey.” I am well aware that many think of me as an “underachiever.”

The point is I admit I know that. And if I was I would admit that I was. If I knew I was. Now that’s openness. Heck, I even know who the father of my twin girls is. Both of them. Me. That’s a lot more than some Presidents and recent ex-Presidents can say.

Let me say one more thing about openness. It has two Ns. I did not know this until Andrew Card, my Chief of Staff pointed it out. But I always sincerely believed it only had one n and I said so to Andrew. That’s openness. And now I sincerely believe it has two Ns and I say so. I may have looked foolish, I may have appeared to be lying, but I said that
straightforward. It was done honestly and I think this will once and for all clear up the question of our former President’s amnesty deal. Let me add the in all my statements to the
American people over the remaining two years of my term and more importantly to the well-intentioned and excellently spelling men and women of the press, I fully intend to be a President who, when he lies, will lie openly and unequivocably. Because without candor and openness about lying the scabs and wounds of the country cannot even get to the first base of healing. And as my lovely wife Laura said to me the other night while we were, well...
you know, “It’s hard to get to first base when there isn’t one.”

Take missile defense, for example. Here we have a tough, financially charged issue, which is only the tip of an iceberg of national defense problems we have had with us for decades and which will never be solved to the satisfaction of all concerned. I openly say, missile defense, not missile offense. Missiles, like baseball players, must be used both offensively and
defensively, unless you’re a designated hitter which is truly offensive. But is it really that
simple? Have we fully considered the makers of these missiles? Have we considered the launch personnel? And for that matter the missiles themselves? Are they carefully
designed, regularly maintained, brightly painted? Most important, why does missile have two Is? Does personnel have one N or two? Why does offense have two Fs but defense only has one? That’s where I, your President, stand on this controversial, divisidive, and frankly, totally incomprehensible issue.

I hope to meet you head-on, on this issue, on this page (or screen) today, and I hope to be meeting you again on other days in other months on other pages (or screens) to let you, the
American people of all nationalities and civilities, know straight from the bleachers what is going on in your White House. And with your help and God’s grace our good luck in the
future of this great task both me and my wife Laura, to some of the real reasons why we often find ourselves lacking confidence in a newer, stronger, healthier, decent, and safer
America along with you.

God bless America,

George W. Bush
Acting President of The United States of America


more about tom scarpelli


margin call
lawyers cash in; you can too
by tom scarpelli
topic: humor
published: 12.30.99

hunnerd and still counting
i can't wait for the all-star break - - gwb
by tom scarpelli
topic: humor
published: 12.30.99


james pearce
5.1.01 @ 1:14p

Great humor. And that's what a great humorist does. Writes great humor. That's what great humorists do in Texas, and that's what great humorists will do in D.C.

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