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my feelings on the rights of gay couples to marry...
by wendy p

Why all the hub bub, bub? Seriously. Gay couples aren't asking you to allow them to get married in your churches. They aren't asking your Pastor, Preacher, Rabbi, Imam or any other leader of your place of worship to marry them.

They want to walk up the steps of the court house, plunk down their $60 (for Wake County) and be joined together in front of a Judge or Justice of the Peace. That's it, that's all. In doing that they receive the same protections under the law that I have just because I was able to do those things.

Guess what? I've done that three times! I know. Can you believe it?! I've been married three times! Though, no one's accusing me of harming the institution of marriage, are they? I promise you, I did harm to my marriages. I was at fault at least in part in their demise. I digress...

So you want to preserve marriage to be as God intended? Yeah, I heard you say that this week. Can I ask you a question, though? Whose God are you talking about? Yours, mine, the God of the Old Testament, the Hebrew God, Allah, Buddha, Jesus, Joseph Smith's... come on now, tell me which one? I'm not being confrontational or argumentative; I just want to know which one. The minute you choose one, you've left out another large group of people and discriminated against them on the basis of religion. Doesn't sound too great, does it?

All I'm saying is that you should be very careful how you toss around the name of God. It doesn't mean the same thing to everyone and our forefathers fought long and hard to be sure there would be a separation between Church and State. They knew long ago that living under the rule of the Church and the auspices of "what's good for God's people" was a tenuous road at best. They wanted everyone to be free to choose how and if they worshipped because they'd lived through a time when that wasn't allowed. They'd watched their friends and neighbors struggle, be imprisoned and even hanged for heresy against The Church.

Remember those times that we've all read about in history books long ago and know that those were real people, real events, and real lives. Their fight gave us this beautiful country that we all love so very much. They taught us to respect freedoms and civil liberties and sometimes they did it at great personal cost. Don't set aside their struggles because you want everyone to believe as you do. That's not what this country was founded on, was it?
If you've read all that and you're thinking about what I've said... watch this video. http://youtu.be/pR9gyloyOjM

The young man that made the video lost his partner in a tragic accident. They weren't married and his partner's family barred him from the funeral and memorial service. The hospital would release no information to him about his partner's death because they weren't married. They hadn't made wills or figured out how to protect them even though they knew Tom's family hated that he was gay and refused to acknowledge the relationship.

What if that was your friend, brother, coworker, neighbor, workout partner, whatever? What if that happened to someone you knew? Would you feel the same way you do? Put a familiar face on it rather than a label and it becomes harder to scream as loudly.

They're people just like you and me. They want to shout to the world that they've found that other person that helps make them feel whole. Instead, the world keeps shouting back at them that they don't belong.

Stop shouting. Open your heart and your mind. Please. They are my friends, my coworkers, my neighbors. You're hurting them and it's hard to watch you do that. I'm going to continue to stand beside them... all the way to the steps of the court house and the polling places. One day, I'll be standing with them inside that court house as they make that same promise that I did. Maybe even with the same googly eyed Judge in that same Worthless Checks court room.

A couple’s right to marry in a court house is not about God or religion. The minute you open your Bible and start to talk about God and His will for mankind, you’re in a pulpit not a court room and that isn’t what this country was founded on. Marriage provides protection under the law for the two parties involved. It gives them say in health and financial matters if the other person is injured, falls ill or dies. It protects their property and belongings in the case of death. Those are civil rights and they belong in our court houses. A church does not and cannot provide those rights to anyone.

I hope in some way that what I say will make a difference. I’d like to leave you with a quote from my Bible. It’s one that helps me to love you, even when you’re hurting my friends.

“A new command I give you; Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” John 13:34-35


I'm a 40-something Mom with her last child moving out of the house trying to figure out what comes next. I write sometimes and once in a blue moon share those thoughts with someone else.

more about wendy p


tracey kelley
5.16.12 @ 5:02p

Kudos! Very well-appointed position and wonderfully written.

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