Life is too short. Can we all agree on that? Then why do we spend so much of it doing pointless things? For example, I can't count the number of people who took the time to update Facebook or Twitter about their plans not to watch the Super Bowl. (Same thing happens for the Golden Globes, Oscars, etc.) So that's number one: jump onto social media to tell everyone what you're not doing.
For the record, thirty other things life is too short to do:
1. Write a negative review on Amazon for a product you haven't actually used.
2. Take your bad day out on a waiter, customer service rep, or anyone else whose fault it is not.
3. Return something you paid less than $5 for, regardless of whether or not it works.
4. Make your own crackers.
5. Order something at a restaurant you don't want because it's a dollar cheaper than the thing you want more.
6. Sigh loudly while waiting in line.
7. Try to dissuade a vegan.
8. Whistle at someone you don't know.
9. After being whistled at by someone you don't know, backtrack to confront them.
10. Correct someone's spelling in an online newspaper comment section.
11. Argue with someone in an online newspaper comment section.
12. Possibly, read an online newspaper comment section at all.
13. Drink cheap beer.
14. Buy generic Q-tips.
15. Ask someone what they paid for their house, car, education, etc.
16. Ask a single person why they're "still" single.
17. Take online surveys.
18. Wait more than an hour to get into a restaurant.
19. Cut your own hair (unless you're really good at it.)
20. Complain about how every movie out of Hollywood these days is either a sequel or a remake, and how things were better in the good old days when things were more original.
21. Tell someone "I just don't get [X]," where X is a style of music. That you know they like.
22. Force yourself to finish watching a movie you can't stand.
23. Buy an expensive bathmat.
24. Complain about the quality of food you haven't paid for, whether it's on a date, at a wedding, at someone's house, at a party, or wherever.
25. Spend time discussing whether certain Hollywood stars are now fat.
26. Or pregnant.
27. Or gay.
28. Complain to a cabbie about the cost of the flag drop.
30. And yes, it's possible that life is too short to spend it coming up with lists of things life is too short to do -- which is why this list stops at 30 and not 50. It's a beautiful day outside. Let's go enjoy it, shall we?
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Jael is tired of being stereotyped as just another novelist/poet/former English teacher/tour guide/"Jeopardy!" semifinalist/bellydancing editor-in-chief with an MFA who was once an overachieving oboe-playing alto newspaper editor valedictorian from Iowa. She was also captain of the football cheerleading squad. Follow me on Twitter: @jaelmchenry
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