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alphabet soup
gwb is in the thick of it now.
by tom scarpelli

The Bush Administration, buoyed by the resounding mandate delivered to them in November at the polls
(and December in the Courts) is planning a special “100 Days” legislative package that will put the country back on its moral axis and revive a suddenly shaky economy.

The Republican mantra of “compassionate conservatism” has been updated now that George W. Bush has been elected and the phrase being bandied about the inner circles of D.C. is now, “open wallets for open minds.” This phrase heads off any confrontation with campaign reform proponents and was deemed to be more in keeping with the new Republicanism than, “legally obligated to serve you better,” which had been suggested by new Attorney General John Ashcroft

The daring new “game plan” will call for a number of bold initiatives which to some will be reminiscent of the “alphabet soup” programs that FDR instituted immediately after his landslide victory in 1932. Included in President Bush’s plans are:

The CCC, or Corporation Conservation Corps, whose task it will be to find meaningful occupations for large conglomerates whose profit pictures have been significantly damaged by cutbacks in space and defense spending. The CCC will concentrate on creating vast “private works” projects such as logging operations in national forests, highway construction in urban parks, and strip mining in the Grand Canyon.

The EEA, or Executive Employment Agency, will provide funding for the relief of top level management
personnel displaced by mergers, layoffs, the pressure of foreign competition and the dotcom demise. It will guarantee them a decent living wage of $100,000 per year, subsidize country club dues and private-school tuition costs for their children, and provide for them if needed, a job in government at least as pointless and socially useless as the one they lost in the private sector.

The FPIC, or Federal Profit Insurance Program, also known as Profitcare, will provide funds to assist ailing or bankrupt companies especially utilities. Under this plan affected companies will be reimbursed for their first year in receivership, eligible to receive up to $500 million in low interest loans to help tide them over the difficult recovery period. Their legal fees will also be covered up to a maximum of $10 million.

The AAAA, or Agricultural Administration Assistance Agency, will guarantee wheat and commodity dealers and other middlemen a standard of living tied to an upward sliding parity scale on an average of the annual incomes of baseball player Alex Rodriguez and Queen Elizabeth.

The SSA, or Socialites Security Administration, will provide decent, dignified employment, in most cases as ambassadors or undersecretaries with benefits to be calculated on the amount of their campaign contributions.

CARPE, or the Coalition Against Racial Profiling in Enforcement, is seen as an effort to appease
minorities, especially Africans Americans who voted overwhelming against Bush in the presidential
election. This agency is expected to have a very close working relationship with DIEM, the Department
of Interracial Empower Management.

The CREW, or Campaign to Re-Elect W, will get underway immediately with the formation of P2P, or Promises To Pork, an agency that will ensure all of Bush’s campaign promises are implemented and receive maximum budget funding. Florida Secretary of State Katherine Harris is said to covet the position as managing director of P2P.


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