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is this good or bad for mel gibson?
one way to make a silk purse out of a drunken sow
by robert a. melos

Apparently the United Nations, and the United States government, and Great Britain and a bunch of other governments got together and decided the Israeli-Lebanon conflict had to end before Israel kicked the butts of all those Hezbollah terrorists in Lebanon and possibly took over Lebanon forcing them into a truly free government and causing the United Arab Emirates to choke on a camel kabob. Now I’m all for peace, not only in the Middle East but everywhere. I think peace is a really cool thing.

What I want to know is, what effect does this peace have on Mel Gibson?

That’s right, I, a gay man, am concerned with how an Israeli-Lebanon cease fire agreement will affect the homophobic, anti-Semitic, mediocre actor turned mega hit director of a film devoted to physically beating a Jewish man? Not so much because I care in the least bit about the star of such hits as Tequila Sunrise and Bird on a Wire, but because knowing the way our world is today, I’m sure in some way a Hollywood spin doctor will somehow work it out that Mel Gibson, in an attempt to prove he isn’t the anti-Semitic pig he came across as in his role as himself on a California highway when he went off on the Jewish people and made reference to a female police officer’s breasts while under the influence of alcohol, brokered peace between the warring nations.

You see, I believe alcohol doesn’t make you do or say things you don’t think or feel in your heart. All alcohol does is lower your inhibitions and allow you to think and feel and say what really is in your heart. Sure you may regret it in the morning, especially if it’s carried on every major network and the cover of every newspaper, tabloid and magazine in the world, but that still doesn’t mean you didn’t mean it when you said it. What counts is the spin you put on it after you sober up.

Now I really shouldn’t pick on Mel for speaking his mind, even if it was under the influence of alcohol. After all, who amongst us hasn’t at some point said something they regretted the moment it left their lips? Who hasn’t leered at a woman’s breasts and made a derogatory comment or two? Um, okay, I haven’t done the latter, but I’m not in the habit of looking at women sexually. I have made lewd comments to hot guys in tights jeans, if that makes me any the more sympathetic?

Anyway, I believe Mel meant what he said when he said it. Now that doesn’t mean he shouldn’t be given a chance for forgiveness. After all he did produce that film about the beating of The Christ, and Christ, I’m told, was all about forgiveness. Go figure. A Jewish man gets beaten by non-Jews and is still able to forgive. Well, if Christ could forgive the whole crucifixion thing, can the world forgive Mel Gibson?

Right now Mel is in rehab, which is the way to go when you want to avoid publicity and the wrath of comics everywhere, not to mention it helps when you finally make that court appearance, but eventually he has to come out and face the world. He will even find some people who agree with both his tirade and his assessment of the female breast, but there will be a lot of people out there who won’t. If he wants to save his career he’ll have to eat some crow.

However if he could spin some of the good world situations in his favor, then things would start to look a whole lot brighter in his future. For instance, if he could make it look as though he had a hand in foiling the terrorist plot to blow up planes in route from England to the US, that kind of cred would go a long way to helping him overcome his anti-Semitic image.

Granted no matter how many films he makes with titles like What Women Want, he’s going to have a harder time overcoming the label of chauvinist pig; although, in today’s world maybe women will forgive him because deep down they want a guy to treat them like a sex object? I wouldn’t know. I only ogle hunky guys like Mel in tight jeans.

I suppose he could do something nice like let women beat him with a whip on Hollywood Boulevard, although he might want to save that as a film career option should he find he isn’t being forgiven and feeling the general love he once felt before he revealed his true face to the public.

Aw, what the heck. I’ll forgive Mel. He’s anti-Semitic, homophobic, sexist, but he did do the Lethal Weapon series, and Air America and he’s Mad Max. As long as he’s entertaining, I’m sure he’ll come out smelling like four roses. Um, I don’t regret that joke. Besides, he’s ranked as the 47th richest person in Los Angeles, and the wealthiest actor in the world. Even if he never showed his face in public again, he’d be pretty well set for several lifetimes.

Kind of makes you wonder what all the fuss was over? With that kind of money he could just fade away and no one would much care, but I don’t think that’s going to happen. In a few weeks we’ll be treated to a repentant Mel, taking on the role of a man fighting his demons. We’ll probably have to watch him on Leno and Letterman, and maybe Oprah apologizing for his actions and words, and maybe even giving the female police officer a bouquet of roses on television along with a person apology.

If peace between Israel and Lebanon holds long enough until Mel is released this could be good for him.


Robert is the author of the novels Cool Mint Blue, Melba Ridge, and the recently released The Adventures of Homosexual Man and Lesbian Lad; and the creator of the on-line comix Impure Thoughts found at his web site Inside R.A. Melos, as well as having been an on-line staff writer for QBliss where he had a monthly humor column, Maybe A Yip, Maybe A Yap. In his non-writing time, when he's not studying the metaphysical or creating a tarot deck, he sells real estate in Middlesex County New Jersey, hangs out with his dog Zeus, and spends time at the Pride Center of New Jersey in Highland Park, NJ, where he is on the Board of Trustees.

more about robert a. melos


just not feeling the love today
got the rockin' pneumonia and the boogie woogie flu
by robert a. melos
topic: humor
published: 2.1.03

all god's children got lawyers
by robert a. melos
topic: humor
published: 7.2.04


tracey kelley
8.21.06 @ 12:53a

You know, I never really thought of it this way. And the point you make about drunks speaking their minds because of lowered inhibitions is an interesting observation.

I'm just sick to death of him and Tom Cruise. Both of them are turing into the male equivilents of Norma Desmond.

robert melos
8.21.06 @ 3:39a

Really the title is a play on an old saying, "is this good or bad for the jews?" I had an uncle who used to say that a lot. I didn't understand it until I was older.

Cruise is always ready for his close up, but Mel is less publicity hound and more booze hound.

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