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would you catch a falling star?
by robert a. melos
7.4.06
pop culture

Who the “F” is Star Jones and what the “F” is The View, was my first though when what I thought must be a slow or dead news day was spent covering the devastating news that this Star person was leaving something called The View.

In all fairness to The View I will say I heard of it a couple of weeks earlier when, on what I considered to be another slow news day, a woman named Meredith Vieira left what comedian Lewis Black described as a bitch cave, to become a co-host of The Today Show. Before that I never saw The View. Okay, after that I still hadn’t seen The View.

As for Star Jones, until it was made clear to me she was a co-host of this daily bitchfest called The View I thought she was the hooker Hugh Grant picked up on Hollywood Blvd. For the record, the hooker was named Divine Brown.

Star Jones? Divine Brown? What’s the difference?

Since Star Jones Reynolds announced she was leaving her position as a co-host of some talk show, it seems time has stood still. Every day there is Star Jones update. Was Star fired? Did she have her stomach stapled to lose weight? I’m guessing she was overweight at some point.

My question was still who the “F” is Star Jones?

So I googled her. Apparently she was a prominent reporter during the O.J. Simpson trial. I wasn’t a fan of the O.J. trial, and didn’t follow it. Frankly I didn’t care whether he killed his wife or not. Most guys who kill their wives don’t go on a killing spree. They are only a threat to any future wife.

Anyway, back to this Star chick. She was on the pudgy side, judging from past photos, so she did obviously lose weight. Now I’m going out on a limb here. She looked better when she was a bit heavier. Granted she probably is healthier without the excess weight, but I wasn’t even sure she was the same person when I viewed the Google photos.

Aside from being a lawyer and a reporter, Star got married. Big deal. So did Britney Spears. Of course Star’s wedding was “an event” unlike Britney’s. It was a big event.

So through the Internet I learned who this woman is. My next question was why should I care?

The truth is I don’t. There is no reason for me to care who Star Jones Reynolds is, was or will be. As for The View, apparently it will go on. Rosie O’Donnell will be joining this catty group in the fall, not replacing Jones but replacing Meredith Vieira. My thought on that is “Rosie! Run! Get away before they suck you in and drain your soul.”

Finally, what will become of Star?

Will Star go on? Of course she will. She’ll go on Larry King Live, Letterman, Leno, and every other show on television telling her story and lamenting her being let go by ABC. Eventually she will do something more with her life than arch her back, screech, extend her claws and engage in an exchange with Barbara Walters who could be thought of as Top Cat in this fur flying brawl of words splattering across every real news show flooding the airwaves.

Do I care who catches Star Jones? Do I care where she will reappear after reinventing herself? No. She’s had her fifteen minutes of fame in my attention span, and it’s time she moved on. So why write this?

Hey, if she’s good enough for Anderson Cooper to talk about, she’s good enough for me to write at least one column dedicated to her. Although I do feel a bit manipulated, like Star planned all of this just so I would write about her.

Now you may ask who is Robert Melos? What makes him so important? Why should I care who he is? Well maybe I’m just doing a star turn here. Do you think I could get a gig on this View thing? Do I have to be a woman to work on it? I could lose weight. I can bitch with the best of them. Star may be falling, but maybe my star could be rising?

Probably not, but it’s a nice thought.


ABOUT ROBERT A. MELOS

Robert is the author of the novels Cool Mint Blue, Melba Ridge, and the recently released The Adventures of Homosexual Man and Lesbian Lad; and the creator of the on-line comix Impure Thoughts found at his web site Inside R.A. Melos, as well as having been an on-line staff writer for QBliss where he had a monthly humor column, Maybe A Yip, Maybe A Yap. In his non-writing time, when he's not studying the metaphysical or creating a tarot deck, he sells real estate in Middlesex County New Jersey, hangs out with his dog Zeus, and spends time at the Pride Center of New Jersey in Highland Park, NJ, where he is on the Board of Trustees.

more about robert a. melos

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COMMENTS

tracey kelley
7.5.06 @ 10:21a

"Star may be falling, but maybe my star could be rising?"

Awesome!

I watched The View a couple of times - once when it had to do with the Playboy Bunnies being

1) On the show promoting a new book about the Fabulous Life of the Playboy Bunny
2) dissed by every single member of The View, most particularly Barbara "I Will Quietly Kill You and Bury You Where No One Will Find You and No One Will Care" Walters, for being Playboy Bunnies.

Which made me wonder - why feature them on the show to begin with if you're just going to be nasty?

To be nasty, that's why!

I have no idea why there is so much press on Star, except the Walters HATED her and there's supposedly a feud.

I am ashamed I know even that much.

robert melos
7.5.06 @ 10:02p

Star was on Larry King Live the other night boldly stating that she was not going to sink to the level a public cat fight. She went on to bare her claws, all the while playing the victim and whining about how Walters knew Star was not going to be asked back next season.

She said she didn't want to fall into a cat fight because that is how women are perceived to be, and she didn't want to fall into a stereotype. She then went on to wallow in the cat fight stereotype.

I'm guessing the whole point of The View is to get the negative view across to the audience that thrives on this kind of entertainment. Jerry Springer has been doing it for years.



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