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post apocalyptic letdown
life after 6-06-06
by robert a. melos
6.7.06
humor

The media touted it as a major breaking story. It was as big a news event as Paris Hilton shoe shopping on Rodeo Drive. The Apocalypse, End of days, cataclysm to end all cataclysms, this was promising to be a really great day.

I live in New Jersey. I was looking forward to the apocalypse if only to reduce traffic congestion. I had my day all planned.

Wake to global thermal nuclear war, although with George W. Bush in the White House that is always a possibility, followed by a light brunch at Panera. After brunch swarms of cockroaches, (locusts are so 20th century), maybe raining frogs, and brimstone before dinner. I was thinking Chinese take-out; I know this place with steamed dumplings to die for. After dinner it would be time for the three “F’s”, fire, flood and famine, followed by Basking Robbins for a snack before bed.

The next day, well, I had figured on moving to either Ireland or Australia, whichever best survived the global devastation, and changing my name; I was thinking maybe Fred or Doug, although Joe, Erik or Russ also have their appeal. Alas, all my plans were for naught.

I was totally prepared for the devastation. The signs were all there. George W. Bush in the White House, the births of Suri Cruise and Shiloh Nouvell Jolie-Pitt, Joe Scarborough reporting on Brangelina and Tom Kat as though they were real news.

So now what? What do I do now that the apocalypse has let me down?

I understand “The Beast” got a new number once he switched to Optima Voice. Even Christian evil sold out with a remake of The Omen. I just don’t know how to go on. My days have so little promise. Sure I can throw myself into cause de jour’s, like taking a stand against writing hate into The Constitution, or hurricane relief, or building a wall around America, but those just don’t fill me with the enthusiasm the End of Days did.

Oh well, life goes on. Even without the promise of apocalypse I have to muddle though and go on. So I’ll continue to work on my next novel, and the one after that, and the one after that, and work in real estate (even as the housing bubble in New Jersey slowly deflates, leaving me wondering if maybe there was a mini-apocalypse?) and continue to create on-line comics.

If I’m disappointed over the lack of apocalypse I’m sure there are others out there who were expecting the media hyped end of the world to rain down upon them like so much fire and brimstone, and now they too are at a loss as to what to do with their days. With that in mind I’d like to make some suggestions on how to fill their days.

Macramé. I’m serious. It can be relaxing to take up a hobby once you’ve experienced a great disappointment. We all got over the 2000 Presidential Election, and most of us survived 9/11, Kevin Costner went on after Waterworld, and many did it by taking up a hobby.

Travel. Get away from it all for a while. The best thing about disappointment in general is they leave you with the feeling of wanting to get away from it all. Getting away for a while really can make you feel better about everything. It gives you a chance to step away from the issues and take a look at the situation and decide what really is important.

Write a book. Now not everyone is interested in telling their story, but there are a great many people out there who want to tell their stories, even if there stories having nothing to do with being disappointed over the lack of an apocalypse as hyped by the media. It will also help if you get that book hyped by Oprah, but that can lead to further disappointments.

Get drunk. Now I don’t advocate drinking to excess, or partying like its 1999 (it really wasn’t all that spectacular of a party), but occasionally tying one on might help when things don’t go your way. Of course if drinking leads to drunken karaoke that might lead to bar brawls and still further disappointment.

However you choose to get over your disappointment due to the lack of an apocalypse as promised by the media, remember there are any number of predicted End of Days and you don’t have to wallow in disappointment for very long. There will be many more opportunities to experience an apocalypse, if you just keep your hopes up.


ABOUT ROBERT A. MELOS

Robert is the author of the novels Cool Mint Blue, Melba Ridge, and the recently released The Adventures of Homosexual Man and Lesbian Lad; and the creator of the on-line comix Impure Thoughts found at his web site Inside R.A. Melos, as well as having been an on-line staff writer for QBliss where he had a monthly humor column, Maybe A Yip, Maybe A Yap. In his non-writing time, when he's not studying the metaphysical or creating a tarot deck, he sells real estate in Middlesex County New Jersey, hangs out with his dog Zeus, and spends time at the Pride Center of New Jersey in Highland Park, NJ, where he is on the Board of Trustees.

more about robert a. melos

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COMMENTS

adam kraemer
7.12.06 @ 4:29p

2012. December. Watch for it.

robert melos
7.13.06 @ 3:56a

Aw, that's so far off. I'm hoping for something more apocalyptic sooner.

alex b
7.14.06 @ 5:42a

Paris Hilton exists. I think the Apocalypse is now, actually.

robert melos
7.22.06 @ 5:10a

Given recent world events it seems the religious right is now embracing a new impending apocalypse, so perhaps Paris Hilton is the harbinger of the apocalypse after all.



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