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a hug for les enfants terrible
a red state nascar dad reaches out to the blue
by dan gonzalez
1.6.05
humor

Shh, honey, there there. It's over now, blow your nose and dry your eyes. Feel better? That's my little tiger.

Want some hot cocoa? There you go.

Now, then, let me just ask, what in tarnation were you all thinkin?

I know, you get fired up from time to time, can't always think straight but really, that was a doozy. I'm gonna share some wisdom my mama told me one time, when we as out deer-huntin'. She said 'whoever it is that goes forth to hunt monsters should see to it that he or she does not become a monster in the process'.

Mama was good at those Bible quotes and all. Didn't make much sense to me then, bein' a simple guy and all, until I saw that dang P Diddly with a 'Vote or Die' t-shirt on, and listened to Michael Moore, and then heard all of their cockamamie fibs from your-alls lips.

Man, you was some hateful brats last year. I never seen anything quite like it. But I forgive ya, because I know you're just passionate, and that your doin' your best. But you're almost all growed-up now, and you got to learn some things about the world.

Aw, now, just hear me out. I'm here to help. I got some words for y'all, what you might call pearls of wisdom, that my mama learned me back to the farm.

Mama said "know your place and mind your business". Little ol' you just ain't that important to the world. You're important to you, but that's about it. So worry about yourself, not what you think other people should be doin'. First thing, you gotta decide what your place is, and then you got to tend your business. And no one oughta be mindin' your business neither. Anyone you could trust oughta be minding their own business, and anyone who tries to mind yours has somethin' of their own in store for it, pure and simple.

Mama used to say "if you don't have something good to say, don't say nuthin' a'tall." This one goes a long way, saves you from lookin' stupid. Like when you call someone a liar, and find out they didn't lie, but still argue about it anyway to save face because you're too proud to admit you were wrong. Instead, if ya just didn't say stuff like that from the get-go, you wouldn't have to shift gears every 10 seconds just to stay in the race.

Mama used to always say "don't sweat the small things" and "kill 'em with smiles". That's my favorite. No one takes the poutin', yellin', or whinin' for real, they know you're fakin' it and they think you're makin' mountains outta molehills. But smile at them, and they'll smile back and listen. If you walk into a room, grimacin' and babblin' that the worlds about to end in the next four years, you oughta stop and look at everyone else's face. If they ain't frownin' and mumblin', and you don't want them to think you're nuts, you best put a smile on your own face, stay calm, and they might listen to you.

Mama always said "Finish what you start". You can't go around telling everybody there's problems and you need their money to fix them, and then don't go fix them and later on say well they ain't fixed but you need more money. That's what mama called shysterin'. What you need to do, is start fixin' something, like that mess Bubba left ya back in the '90's, fix that, and then folks might take your other words to heart. But you sit around pretendin' ol' Bubba was great, and sayin' everything was everyone else's fault, well that just don't go 'round with people who can see with they own eyes.

Mama also said "That which doesn't kill us makes us stronger". You know you got time, the world ain't over yet, and so you got to take this one to heart. You got at least four years as far as I can tell. There'll be another election, and you know, that year you got 74 million of them damn Baby-Boomers fixin' to retire and collecting on 51 Trillion in benefits. That right there is a boatload and you got to reap what you sew. If you take a good, honest crack at fixing that, convince people you ain't trying to mind their business but help them mind their own, and smile and quit havin' tantrums, I guarantee, your boy or gal will end up sittin' in that big white house, that one over to that Potomac river.

But if you act all hateful, and indignant, and unhappy, and demand people to give you more money without fixing anything, like ya did last year, people just ain't gonna listen, and you'll end up yellin', moanin', and sobbin' in 2008 just like deja vu all over again. And I would really hate to see that. I can't tell you how much I'd hate to see that.

You feel better now? Good, let's get to work and chop some of that wood, and feed the pigs, pluck that chicken, and earn ourselves a beer. I figure you're almost old enough by now, right? I mean, don't tell your ma just the same, but hell, I had my first beer when I was fourteen, gramps gave it to me after I finally gragiated fifth grade.

My lands, time does fly, just look at that peach-fuzz on your face and Sissy's little mosquito bites.

You all are growin' up before my very eyes.


ABOUT DAN GONZALEZ

Maybe it's you, maybe it's Dan. Things aren't quite the way they should be. And now it seems Dan's peace of mind has come up for the bidding, and those that he respects and trusts must all have been just kidding. Dan's little world has lost control, but still it keeps on spinnin'...

more about dan gonzalez

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topic: humor
published: 4.25.07





COMMENTS

daniel givin
1.6.05 @ 5:26p

Have you been possessed by demons? :-)

[edited]

stacy smith
1.6.05 @ 9:59p

Mama said "know your place and mind your business". Little ol' you just ain't that important to the world. You're important to you, but that's about it. So worry about yourself, not what you think other people should be doin'. First thing, you gotta decide what your place is, and then you got to tend your business. And no one oughta be mindin' your business neither. Anyone you could trust oughta be minding their own business, and anyone who tries to mind yours has somethin' of their own in store for it, pure and simple.

Trying to wrap your brain around last years elections is just going to give you a headache. Is it really worth it, or do you just want to contribute to the brattiness of 2005?

robert melos
1.6.05 @ 11:14p

You're a democrat in republican clothes. Don't deny it. It's written right here, hidden among the southern-midwesternisms. Come join the blue. We'll teach you how to race better on environmentally friendly engines, and non-offensive fuels.

dan gonzalez
1.9.05 @ 10:34a

You caught me, Robert. And Daniel, I'm not possessed, and Stacey, I'm not trying to contribute to further brattiness.

I have many liberal values, and all of them cause me to despise the current implementation of the democratic party and their interest groups far worse than the religious right or the current republicans. That's why I never let up on the dems even though I dislike them both.

The nightmare would be if the dems sent Hillary to run in 2008 without any platform change, because she would lose, even to Jeb Bush. Could you imagine that election year? (If those two do run, I'm moving the fam to Key West and becoming a citizen of the Conch Republic.)

[edited]

stacy smith
1.9.05 @ 12:08p

Ewww...Hillary and Jeb. That thought will be sure to give me nightmares for weeks.

I don't like the way things are with any of the parties. They all act and talk the same way, while claiming that they are better than each other.

A local conservative paper went as far to say that they were happy with what happened with the Tsunami because that way, it got rid of a whole bunch of Chinese that were in the process of setting up camp.

I didn't read the article, a friend of mine told me the headline. I told him that, that isn't very nice. The reply I got was "Hmmpphh" and the subject was dropped.

So are the Conservatives any better than any other party? No. They just try to make themselves out to be that way.

My asking about you contributing to the brattiness of 2005 wasn't meant to be a slam or an insult. I think of more people spoke up and had a clue of things that go on, it may not change things, but it would certainly be a wake up call.

One person screaming "Ignorance is not bliss" is ignored. Get a whole bunch of people screaming it, and it starts to wear on the nerves of those that choose to live through rose colored glasses. Sure, it'll piss them off and they'll complain, but atleast they are doing something other than staring at the boob tube and gossiping about so called "Reality TV."

Continue to rant as you have, just don't lose your sense of humor. Life all around gets ugly when that happens.







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