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another blonde crying out for attention
why i hate britney spears
by robert a. melos

Was it because we didn't pay enough attention to you when you were screaming out for attention, dressed in that school-girl-gone-wrong outfit while singing about "Hit me, baby, one more time"? Or when you so obviously cried out for attention by dumping that cute Justin Timberlake for that cute-in-a-bad-boy-way Fred Durst?

Was it because we didn't flock to your last tour, causing you to cut it short? Or because we didn't make a big enough fuss over you lip-locking with Madonna on MTV? Why Britney? Why? Why? Why must you constantly try to shock us by doing these childish things?

Running off and marrying a childhood crush, as a joke, is just so in poor taste. I won't start on how wrong it was, or hurtful to those who legally can't get married (that's sort of my QBliss column), but I will tell you why it hurts me so much.

Britney, you thoughtless little twit. You stole my dream wedding. That's right. I admit I wanted to run off to Vegas and marry the man of my dreams in a neon, yet tasteful, Vegas strip wedding chapel. No, I didn't see myself ever doing it in a torn pair of jeans and a baseball cap, but I did someday see myself become sanctified life partners with Ben Affleck (or a reasonable facsimile) in a Vegas wedding chapel.

Now you've cheapened that dream. How could I ever have my Vegas wedding, once same-sex marriage becomes legal, knowing all of my friends and family will be thinking "sure, he's just copying Britney Spears."

So you wanted to do something to seek publicity? Mock society? Get your photos taken? You could've posed for Playboy like other hard up for attention mediocre talents. Or you could've had a nervous breakdown on TRL like Mariah. Either of those would've garnered you the attention you sought, but no, you had to go and steal my dream wedding for you to gain attention.

Okay, I'll get over it. I suppose a Vegas wedding was probably over done anyway. I know I don't want a traditional wedding in a church, because for one thing I'm Pagan. Another reason is, white just makes me look fat. I'm so much more of a blue/green person.

I would consider the possibility of a beach wedding in Hawaii, but their current state Constitution prohibits that from happening. I'm told Bali is beautiful. Maybe a Bali wedding? I'll have to first check with Ben.


Robert is the author of the novels Cool Mint Blue, Melba Ridge, and the recently released The Adventures of Homosexual Man and Lesbian Lad; and the creator of the on-line comix Impure Thoughts found at his web site Inside R.A. Melos, as well as having been an on-line staff writer for QBliss where he had a monthly humor column, Maybe A Yip, Maybe A Yap. In his non-writing time, when he's not studying the metaphysical or creating a tarot deck, he sells real estate in Middlesex County New Jersey, hangs out with his dog Zeus, and spends time at the Pride Center of New Jersey in Highland Park, NJ, where he is on the Board of Trustees.

more about robert a. melos


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carol cox
8.2.04 @ 12:42p

Britney is not Blonde. She is a Brunette who has been fully bleached. This makes her another Bleached Brunette who is using the image and name Blonde as a 'business' tool to get attention.

robert melos
8.2.04 @ 4:21p

Britney may not be a real blonde, but I'm a natural blonde. And I'm always crying out for attention. It's that Gemini thing.

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