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war and remembrance
that was then, this is now, what about me?
by robert a. melos

I have to confess, I missed the Gulf War. You see, I was working at the time for a furniture company called Yield House. They made country furniture, and I was working in one of their outlet stores in Woodbridge Mall, in NJ. I worked with this really cool assistant manager, and a kinda-cool-in-his-own-way manager.

I really wasn't emotionally ready to face the real world back then, something else I can blame on parents (score: 1 son, 0 parents). I spent my days hawking furniture I wouldn't chop up for firewood let alone rush out to buy, occasionally singing "We are Yield House elves, stocking Yield House shelves," while trying to figure out what the hell I was really doing with my life.

So anyway, the Gulf War came about, and I was busy working in the mall, watching movies in the window of the Suncoast Video store on the opposite side of the mall and one level up from our store front. I could just see the two television screens from a position slumped down on the couch in the front of our store. Sure I was watching without sound, but they mostly showed Disney stuff, so I knew the gist of the film.

So now I get to see a re-enactment of the war, this time in Iraq. I still don't know what this has to do with capturing Osama Bin Laden, the guy who is responsible for the attacks of 9-11, but I'm no longer interested in the whole revenge thing. Oh sure, I'd like to see Bin Laden and the rest of the Al-Qeada captured and tossed in prison or killed (I'm not advocating the death penalty here, but blowing up the WTC and the Pentagon is kind of not a nice thing to do, so maybe shooting those guys down in the desert like the dogs they are is a good thing), but right now I'm just concerned with making a living, and getting big bucks for doing as little work as humanly possible.

I'm pursuing the American Dream of getting rich quick. I will say, I never actually felt threatened because of Saddam Hussein, and when I felt terrified it usually was because of the anti-gay bigots in American, and not anti-gay bigots in Africa, or Europe, or any other foreign country. I have had nightmares about Osama Bin Laden, but none about Saddam Hussein.

However if blowing up Baghdad is a must, and for some reason I think it is, and since I have no real say in the matter anyway (like I can't just go and tell G. W. "Hey! G. W. I don't think blowing up Baghdad is a good thing."), I'll just watch the mayhem on television, go on with my life and hope to make enough money to really get out of the financial hole where I constantly find myself.

Am I self-centered?

Hell yes! I care about me first, and how things directly effect me. So if being at war will get me more buyers or sellers, and will get me more money, then fine, just don't fuck with my income. I'm a shallow individual.

I'm not for war, and I think there could've been a peaceful resolve to this conflict, instead of blowing up Baghdad, (you know I never really liked I Dream Of Jeannie), but conflict has begun. So now I just want to know that tomorrow I can go to work, sell houses for more than they are worth, make my profit, and finally pay off some of my bills. And if I have money left over from said sales, fix my house up so it's worth more than the shack Jed Clampett left in Bug Tussle for the hills of Beverly.

Yeah, I'm rambling. What of it? I've got a sinus headache, stress over bill collectors and a bunch of other reasons I'm not all that happy. So I suggest you ask yourself, "Do I feel lucky?", before taking me on in any sense of the word. "Well, do ya, punk?"

Whoa, channeled Clint Eastwood there. Sorry. I didn't mean to. I guess I'm just getting a bit worked up by the CNN live coverage of the war. The picture of the downtown Baghdad area remaining calm is just getting to me. If this is war, when am I gonna see the explosions and the mayhem, and Marlon Brando looking like Grimace from McDonaldland and Martin Sheen in his briefs? (Damn he was hot for an older guy.)

So, this is where I'm at for the moment. Where are you at?


Robert is the author of the novels Cool Mint Blue, Melba Ridge, and the recently released The Adventures of Homosexual Man and Lesbian Lad; and the creator of the on-line comix Impure Thoughts found at his web site Inside R.A. Melos, as well as having been an on-line staff writer for QBliss where he had a monthly humor column, Maybe A Yip, Maybe A Yap. In his non-writing time, when he's not studying the metaphysical or creating a tarot deck, he sells real estate in Middlesex County New Jersey, hangs out with his dog Zeus, and spends time at the Pride Center of New Jersey in Highland Park, NJ, where he is on the Board of Trustees.

more about robert a. melos


kenbie: the making of a mattel super couple?
champagne wishes and caviar dreams of a different kind
by robert a. melos
topic: humor
published: 2.17.06

where were you when you mind went snap?
ever wonder what someone is thinking?
by robert a. melos
topic: humor
published: 7.5.05


sigbjørn olsen
3.21.03 @ 4:39p

Africa and Europe are not countries. Yet :-P

robert melos
3.21.03 @ 10:51p

Hey, I was stoned on sinus meds when I wrote this. I'm luck I identified anything on the planet.

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